Bars & Melody - brilliant song about bullying

Two amazing little lads, singing about bullying, a song they wrote themselves. It is brilliant and they do it so well. I'm sure if this was released as a single it would be a hit, I would buy it!

The Bullying Update

First off, I would like to thank everyone for their kind words and support, sorry I haven't had chance to answer everyone personally. 

If you are reading this and wonder what I am talking about, the first post is HERE.

So, Tuesday, finished with Sensei visiting the 2 bully's homes and then called here to tell Ebi-kun what was going on and that the boys would be apologizing the next day.

Wednesday, Ebi-kun went off to school, he walks to school with a different bunch of kids, even so, he wasn't his usual chipper self. Of course, I spent all day worrying - like you do!

He got back all smiles and in a great mood. He told me that when he got to school R-kun (main instigator) came over to him and apologised, without Sensei telling him. Then a bit later Sensei had all three  boys together and talked to them, more apologies.

I asked Ebi-kun if he thought R-kun was really sorry or just saying sorry because he had been told to, he believes R-kun was being genuine. The reason I asked was that I had remembered an incident last term when L-kun (the other boy involved) broke Ebi-kun's umbrella. At the time, I put it down to boys arsing around, now I am not so sure. Anyway, L-kun's mom arrived that day with a new umbrella, cookies and a thousand apologies, he son on the other hand was no apologetic and gave a flippant 'gomen'. From what I can gather L-kun only apologised when sensei made him do it.

Ebi-kun and L-kun have known each other for quite a while, they played together in the same park when they were little, it was L-kun who broke the cherry tree saplings and L-kun's mom apologised to me after L-kun punched Ebi-kun, blaming it on the TV programmes he watches (Ultraman et al). She should thank her lucky starts that my Japanese isn't that good or she would have been going home with serious earache that day!

Ebi-kun walked home yesterday with L-kun and a few other kids from his class, R-kun had been picked up from school for swimming class so he wasn't there. Ebi-kun said that nothing happened on the way home, so I am hoping that will be the end of it.

The tough-nut in the class, is a boy fondly known in our house as mullet-boy and he lives just round the corner. Him and Ebi-kun are friends but not best mates, Ebi-kun did say that no one picks on him when mullet-boy is walking home with them, trouble is mullet-boy's mom works so he goes to after school club two or three times a week.

So, now we wait and see. I am impressed with how quick Sensei reacted and dealt with the situation. We haven't had the 2 boys come round to the house and apologise, which is what I was expecting - it is the Japanese way. Today I will bake some cake or cookies for the moms who stepped in, the English speaking mom has a 2nd grader boy, the other mom has a boy who I am guessing is 3rd grade, they have invited Ebi-kun to go and call round to play sometime, so I will encourage him to do that.

Previous to this incident, we had already decided to take Ebi-kun to Aikido to see how he likes it. We think it is the martial art most suited for his personality and one that fits with our beliefs. Akido is a way to defend yourself whilst protecting the attacker from injury, it doesn't need physical strength as the person uses the other persons force and displaces it. The other thing is that there is a strong emphasis on training the mind and body to stay calm in stressful situations. This is why the Japanese riot police have to undertake one year of intensive Aikido training. We will see how it all goes on Sunday. 

The silver lining in all this is that because that mom stepped in, we are now aware of the situation and Ebi-kun now knows that 'he doesn't have to get used to it'. 

The hardest post I have ever written...

This post is number 2169 plus I have written numerous guest posts over the years, this was by far the hardest write but I did it because I want you to help.

A parental nightmare. This is one of the things I have been dreading the most, living in Japan where bullying is widespread and having a kid that doesn't fit in the same mold as everyone else, I have been worrying that this will happen somewhere along the line.

So, yesterday Ebi-kun gets home from school, not super happy but not in such a bad mood either. He has a drink and snack and gets started on his homework. The doorbell goes and at the door were 3 moms, one of which I kind of know, she speaks English and her boy and Ebi-kun have played football together in the past.

She explains that one of the other moms was driving home and saw 2 boys hitting and kicking Ebi-kun plus there were other kids nearby but no-one was stopping to help. She stopped the car and shouted at the boys to stop, they didn't do so immediately because they were so involved in what they were doing.

The mom was concerned about Ebi-kun, so she asked around to find out who he was and where he lived and enlisted the help of her neighbour (the English speaking mom). We asked Ebi-kun about it but he sort of shrugged it off and said it was nothing, he was OK. I could see the moms were really concerned and obviously she thought it was serious if she had taken the time to track us down plus she wanted to report it to the school.

So, the moms left and I talked to Ebi-kun, the 2 boys concerned are in his class, and apparently it happens quite often, in his words "I have sort of got used to it", as he was saying it my heart was breaking.

I called my husband, he wanted to talk to the mom, so we went to find her. She came back round to our house and spoke at length with my husband (on the phone), turns out her son had been bullied too so she was extra concerned. She then talked to Ebi-kun, she ended up in tears telling him that it is not OK and that it has to stop before something really bad happens, gives him a big hug. I am standing there trying to stop myself from bursting into tears, half of me wants to take him inside and never let him out again, the other half wants to go and show the bullies what it is like being on the receiving end, which I know isn't the answer but that is how I felt.

Next, my husband called the school and talks to sensei, he says that he will go round to the bullies homes and talk with them now. Ebi-kun then admits that he is worried about the bullies getting in trouble because they might do something bad to him. Sensei also wanted to know who the other kids were but Ebi-kun didn't know, so there is a lot of calls back and forth. 

Finishes with a call to the house from sensei, who talks to Ebi-kun, telling him that the bullies will apologise the next day. I'm not sure what will happen next, sensei will probably call or write in the diary what happened and what has been done about it. There has been a recent spate of reports here about bullying and kids committing suicide so I feel like the school will be taking it seriously.

Ebi-kun is the kind of kid who doesn't get into fights, he doesn't hit people because he gets worried he will hurt them so this kind of situation really worries me. We have found an Aikido class, so we are going on Sunday to try it out at the very least he will be able to defend himself.

This brings me to a request, you may have already seen this or a variation of it, the crumpled paper bullying lesson, it has done the rounds on facebook a few times. 

How many of you thought "That is a neat way to teach about bullying"? 

But did you then showed your kids, did you teach them?

If not, please do it today.

Please take the 4 minutes to show them the video and a few minutes to talk it through. Those 10 minutes could make a huge difference to a little kid like Ebi-kun. If that mom hadn't seen what was going on, and who knows how many other have and turned a blind eye, I might have been writing this with a far worse tale to tell.

If your child is being bullied they need to know that it is not OK, that they don't have to put up with it and that they need to tell someone.

If your child sees someone being bullied, they need to know that it is their job to step up and take some responsibility, to step in and stop it or at the very least, tell someone.

If your child is the one doing the bullying, they need to understand the amount of damage they are doing, that it is not OK and that the physical scars may heal but the person they have bullied will be damaged for a long time, if not forever.

Normally I ask you to leave a comment, today I want you to share the crumpled paper lesson with your kids and share the post with anyone you know who has kids, at least then the 74 tissues and tears on the keyboard will not have been wasted.

*** Here is the follow up update ***

bully or not a bully, that is the question.

Ebi-kun seems to have settled in at school OK despite the bumpy start to the year. He has started to get homework every day, I suppose they need to start at the basics for the kids that haven't had any help from home but I was still surprised he came home with a sheet where he had to match the numbers 1-5 to pictures of 1-5 fish! He also has to do reading practice every night.

Over the last week he has had to take in a urine sample and a bum patch sample (testing for worms) and he gets a full medical and dental check. They seem to do it over the course of 2 weeks, he has also been tested on things like how far he can throw a ball, how fast he can run and how many sit ups he can do. I believe this is done every year up until university. I think it is a great idea especial for those kids whose parents don't take them to the dentist etc. I remember having my eyes and teeth checked at school and of course the visit from the 'nit nurse' but I think that was it.

Yesterday we had the Sensei home visit, it must be knackering for the Sensei's, having to teach a full day and then go round to a handful of kids homes after school for 2 weeks. Anyway, I wasn't sure whether the Sensei would come in or stay in the genkan (entrance area), different friends said different things so I asked the mom down the road so at least I knew I had to clean the whole downstairs and not just the genkan!

Then there is the dilemma of should we serve tea and snack or not, they usually say don't offer anything but then is that rude and you are supposed to offer something anyway? I have no idea and neither does my husband so we followed the rules and didn't offer anything, I probably have a black mark by my name now. Oh well.

Anyway, everything seems to be fine, Ebi-kun is confident and enthusiastic and always helping his classmates. The only issue is with S-kun who keeps hitting him. When he first started another boy in the class was kicking him so my advice was that next time he kicked, Ebi-kun should grab hold of him and in his scariest voice tell the kid if he kicked him again he would tell Sensei. The tactic worked and they are now friends, I imagine it was the whole pecking order thing going on. Back to S-kun who sits in front of Ebi-kun, every day Ebi-kun comes home and complains S-kun has hit him, he tried the same tactic as he used with kicking boy but that didn't work, he has also told Sensei about it but that doesn't work either. 

After talking to Sensei it sounds like S-kun isn't good at controlling his emotions yet. What usually happens is that S-kun turns round and annoys Ebi-kun so Ebi-kun 'tells him off' and S-kun thumps him. So, Sensei has moved S-kun and we told Ebi-kun to just ignore him, hopefully it will sort it's self out.

I don't think this is a bullying instance but it is so easy to jump to that conclusion, especially when you only hear one side of the story. We have talked to Ebi-kun about bullies but not just what they do and why it is wrong but why they do it too, often it is learned behaviour and the child is not really to blame, I explained that the behaviour has to be stopped though before something really bad happens and so he is to tell me if anything happens.

Want to hear my bully story? 

When I was 11 I transferred to a new school and went straight into the 2nd year. One of the boys in my class was the school bully and he would pick out a kid and bully them until they cried and then move onto another kid, I didn't know this at the time. Anyway, we were in music class and the boy was sat behind me being really horrible, pulling my hair name calling etc. for the whole lesson. I turned round and told him to shut it or I would punch him - ripples of laughter from the back row boys (no one punched this kid). By the end of the lesson I was seriously pissed off so as we left, bully boy was stood in front of me, I tapped him on the shoulder then when he turned round I punched him as had as I could in the face. I said 'I warned you' and walked off, leaving him and his mates in silence. I also know that the teacher saw me do it but turned a blind eye.

The outcome, the boy never spoke to me again. He did end up getting expelled from high school for hitting a teacher with a chair or something like that. When I look back now, I wonder what was going on at home to make him turn out the way he did.

So, that is my bully story, do you have one to share?